Randy Orton ret-
RKO. OUTTA NOWHERE. Sorry, couldn't resist. Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system, let's dive in. WWE Battleground was overall pretty enjoyable, and exciting when you consider the fact that for the first time in recent history, the WWE had two back-to-back solid pay per views. The Bad I'll start with Darren Young vs. The Miz. While the match was surprisingly entertaining as Darren Young exceeded expectations by fighting pretty even with Intercontinental Champion The Miz. However, the match ended in what was a very, very bizarre and kinda awkward sequence of events that left you with an unpleasant taste in your mouth; a perfect metaphor for the entire Darren Young vs. The Miz "rivalry". The whole story started when Bob Backlund, WWE Hall of Fame wrestler, decided to coach Darren Young, creating the catch phrase "Make Darren Young great again". Just so you know, Darren Young is black, so the Donald Trump reference makes me uncomfortable. What makes me even more uncomfortable is the fact that Darren Young only won the #1 contender spot after a fluke victory in a Royal Rumble which he won because he was knocked out in the center of the ring when Apollo Cruz and Barron Corbin eliminated themselves, making Darren Young the winner without him even realizing it. The partnership with Backlund seems a lot like Rocky coaching Apollo Creed, a magical old white man who is past his prime coaching up the young, hard-working, head-on-straight African American boy into the champion he deserves to be. Whatever. Fast forward to the end of their match at Battleground; after saving Darren Young from getting pinned, Backlund got slapped in the face by The Miz's wife, Maryse. Then Bob Backlund had the creepiest meltdown ever, ripping off his shirt and yelling at the top of his lungs like a mad man. THEN to make thing's worse, The Miz gets out of the ring and shoves the old man to the floor. Of course Darren Young loses his temper defending the old man's honor and gets himself disqualified. Apparently, the only thing the WWE could do to keep this awkward rivalry interesting was, well, make it unimaginably more awkward. Then there was the New Day. For those of you who don't follow wrestling, the New Day is a faction of three Black wrestlers (who happen to be among the best in the whole company) who were dealt a failed gimmick in an effort to eliminate them from the company. To accurately track their history, we have to go back to August of 2014 when they disappeared from the show for months after the riots in Ferguson only to return as, well, there's not really a word to describe it. The premise of their new gimmick was "The Power of Positivity"; if you didn't roll your eyes you should have. These men were literally scripted as coons; yes the WWE made what could have been one of the best factions ever into a Minstrel show. The New Day runs around the WWE universe making jokes out of EVERYTHING. The gimmick was so bad that crowds booed them EVERYWHERE, as they should, the gimmick sucked. Ironically though, the New Day actually prevailed, working their ass off and taking the gimmick to the corniest of limits dawning bright pink centric outfits, playing trombones mid match, wearing unicorn horns and even created their own cereal called Booty-O's which they now use as their slogan "They make sure, you ain't booty". For real their gimmick is really, really racist. And last night they lost to the Wyatt family, meaning it could be the beginning of the end of the New Day, which isn't such a bad thing. They've worked their way to the longest Tag Team title reign in WWE history. They still COULD defend the title against the Wyatts, though its not likely. Even if they all split up and go solo, they would all probably begin a feud with each other over the USA title. Or maybe Big E and Kofi stay together and Woods goes after the USA title by himself. Or maybe something completely unexpected happens, but probably not. All in all, even though they have made it a long way, if it weren't for systemic racism, they'd be a lot farther. Fitting. The Good Most of the matches though, and the story lines, were great. The first match was given to the Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks rivalry, a surprising move on the surface, but not really when you consider the fact that the Women's title is the most undervalued title in the company due to their own inability to invest in the Women's division and therefore needed the boost pretty bad. Although I didn't like the decision to call on Baylee for a guest appearance, it was still a very entertaining decision, and an entertaining match. I still don't think the match did the women much justice, mostly because of recent history, but I will get to that later. All in all though, it was an improvement. Enzo Amore and Big Cass gave their stock a huge boost again as they propelled their teaming with John Cena to a win, pulling Cena and WWE long-time-snub AJ Styles even at a 1-1 draw in their rivalry. I think that the New Day deserved to be a part of this storyline, the second biggest in the WWE, instead of Amore and Cass. Not only have they put up with a BUNCH of bs, but they are also carrying the tag team title into Raw and it would have been interesting to see what possibilities would have cropped up with that story. Instead, the WWE's closest-to-black tag team was chosen, and I have to give them credit; they've been amazing. Amore is magic on the mic, his Italian-based one liners have been hilarious, and his in ring charisma has been unmatched. Big Cass has been, well Big Cass (he's 7 foot tall and you can't teach that!) Handing out huge moves in every match consistently for weeks. Styles was amazing as always and Cena came up with a new move for once to end the match! Overall I was satisfied. However, the best thing that came from Battleground was its main event. Somehow, the WWE has managed to make a good situation out of what was a terrible one with the Shield in just 3 months. Roman Reigns returned from his suspension, wrestling with pure aggression (and much less talking) finally giving us flashes of the Roman Reigns we loved from the Shield era. A Roman Reigns which is not a complete total douchebag, doesn't wrestle like somebody he isn't, and loses every once in a fucking while. The match was an amazing, testosterone filled, adrenaline fueled rollercoaster ride with plenty of "Holy Shit!" and "NO FUCKING WAY" moments. There were points at which you thought each different member was going to come out victorious. Rollins and Ambrose teamed up at one point to try and destroy Reigns, which was much needed. Just before the end, Reigns began to surge and the crowd started to get behind him, if only a little. Some fans even screamed with him as he set up one of his finishing moves which was a great sign that he might be on the road to recovering his image. Finally, the WWE managed to successfully toe the delicate line of finding a way to make Reigns take the pin while still looking strong. 10/10, well done. The Ugly Meltdown coming in 3..2..1... WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WWE DOING WITH THE WOMEN'S DIVISION? I am seriously tired of the WWE giving symbolic gestures to the Women's division and then not rewarding their work with storylines and opportunities to put them at a level of relevance equal to the men. They drafted Charlotte 3rd overall last week in the first round of the Smackdown vs. RAW draft, and they also gave the Banks vs. Charlotte match the opening spot in the Battleground PayPer View. However, behind the smoke of symbolic gestures rests a cesspool of negligence and creative mediocrity which has soured the Women's division for years. First of all, if the decision to bring Baylee on for a guest appearance with Sasha Banks to reunite the old NXT partnership seemed like a no brainer, that's because it was. And not in a good way. It was the easiest decision to make without having to actually write a story to make it work. I thought the best thing they could have done was bring on Nia Jax. The reason that it didn't happen is because past, present, and future, the WWE consistently decides to put as little real effort into creating successful storylines for the women as possible. It all starts with the story leading up to tonight. Its the classic old vs. new storyline when it comes down to things between Sasha Banks aka the Boss and Charlotte flair, Hall-of-Famer Ric Flair's daughter. What's disappointing is that the storyline has the potential to be a WrestleMania main event, in my humble opinion, if the writing wasn't so fucking terrible. First off, Charlotte is Ric Flair's daughter: RIC FLAIR. She should be hell bent on a mission to prove that she's not just daddy's little girl, she's out to show the world that she can live up to the Flair name and become one of the greatest wrestlers of all-time period. Instead she's been reduced to a pretty face who is a spoiled petty troll. Sasha Banks is "the Boss" and her character should be treated as such. If it were me writing her character, I would have her be the epitome of a head baller, shot caller. If her character was written correctly with plenty of detail and flamboyance then it would have been no problem for "The Boss" to find a fitting partner; she always finds a way to get what she wants, that's how she got to this position in the first place. Naturally she would have bought out the best sell-sword in the WWE and that would be Nia Jax who is not only a beast, but is hungry to prove herself at the highest level (she just got drafted to RAW) and what better way than to do so then at a PayPer View event against the Women's champion? Instead, the writers don't do Banks any justice; she's only "the Boss" because she gave herself that name and is Snoop Dogg's cousin. They gave her no opportunity to build herself any credibility, so they had to go with a surprise pick from Banks' past because there's no way they had time to write a story which would make sense. Baylee was picked because she's still on NXT, and they wouldn't have to follow the move up with a quick next chapter in the story because, well, Baylee won't be around anymore. If Nia Jax had been used, or anybody from the RAW roster, then the Banks vs. Charlotte rivalry would have had a fresh new twist for the start of the brand split. Instead it continues to be pretty stale and unimaginative. But what's happening with Becky Lynch and Natalya is worse, it's straight up sabotage. Becky and Natalya got drafted to Smackdown because RAW is taking on the new Cruiserweight division and as a result only has room to write one half-ass women's story on the show. That means that the Women's championship belt will be on a different show and without any Women's tag team title (barring a surprise from Smackdown management) Becky and Natalya's rivalry will probably end in the slow ugly death of any momentum they had before Battleground. Again, the match proved as a perfect metaphor. Natalya and Becky Lynch wrestled in the absolute worst spot on the ticket. Right after the amazing Cena/Enzo Amor/Big Cass vs. AJ Styles and The Club match, and right before the Miz vs. Darren Young for the Intercontinental title. While the match was going on fans were up in the concourse getting refreshments, or in their seats resting and not paying attention. Not because the match wasn't good, it was amazing wrestling, just not compelling. Because STORYLINES make matches compelling, and for Becky and Natalya, they were given the random feud of death. Pretty much, after losing a fatal four way to Charlotte, Natalya just started attacking Becky Lynch for no reason and that has been the extent of their whole feud for six weeks; Natalya attacking Becky Lynch for no reason. Which is the absolute laziest writing that the creative team could have possibly came up with. With the brand split coming and nothing except random girl beef to fuel the competition it isn't looking good for any of the Women on Smackdown, or in the WWE in general. That is because this is nothing new, it's been going on for years. Recently, the talent in the Women's division has been so off the charts that they have earned a few small opportunities, but its not much, and its certainly less than what they deserve. What the women deserve is true investment. They deserve writers who are taking the time to write real stories (not necessarily the writers fault either), they deserve air time to play those stories out, they deserve their own women's division manager who looks for talent and manages the talent that already exists, they deserve to be the main event on both the weekly shows and pay per view every once and a while, they deserve to be the face of the company. These women are not only incredibly hard workers, but also incredibly gifted wrestlers, and its almost evil for the WWE to deny them the glory which is rightfully theirs (wow, I just came up with a great idea for a Women's storyline, on accident). If the WWE wants to get back to the days where it was one of the top sports entertainment businesses in the country then it needs to double down and rid their women's division of mediocrity. This isn't the 90s, you are gonna need to come with more than a bunch of white men and one speck of brown to be successful. If it can do that, then it can do anything. Until then, they're only halfway into earning my satisfaction.
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